10 of the best new caps for Fall from Sendero

The main event, tonight at Arena Los Senderos. Jefe defends his title against the underdog: the Conejo Kid. Seniors get in free. Kids are half priced. Buckets of beer are ten pesos till we sell out.

The best I-talian food around, bar none. The wine is ice cold, the chicken alfredo pipin’ hot, and the parmesan plentiful. Used to be a sushi and macaroni restaurant, so the decor is a little off. But the Chef With No Name never misses.

When you’re lost in the Galactic West, ridin’ a horse named Jupiter in the asteroid belt, a laser-proof sidekick is all you need to stay on the straight and narrow. Fair warning. This ol’ tin can is smarter than he looks. Ya better watch out for when he becomes self aware.

We’ve all been there, amigo. Someone introduces themselves, and you’re too busy thinking about the next thing you’re gonna say. Dogonnit if you didn’t blank out when they said David or Dwayne. Go ahead and call ‘em Darlin’ for the rest of the night. They won’t mind.

Jammed quarter? Blown speaker? Jukebox only playin’ b-sides? We got ya covered, bub. Roy’s been tinkerin’ on these old machines since we hired him in ‘79, and he hasn’t taken a vacation once. If he can’t fix it, no one on God’s green earth can.

Who needs Wascawwy Wabbits when you’ve got the even more elusive and unknown Jackawope right here in Tejas?! Always in season, but rarely seen. In fact maybe never.

On every stretch of road from Mexico to just south of the Great White North, you can find the ‘dillo. Every highway and byway is littered with ‘em. Except this one ain’t gettin’ flattened any time soon—he’s tearin’ up asphalt as fast as his wheels can take him. No sissy bar needed.

“YIPPEE KI YAY!” You can go on and fill in the rest if you want to.

Listen, everybody loves a good yardbird. They eat the bugs, keep ornery snakes away, and they don’t take no crap from no one. Yes, we know that’s a double negative, but it’s for emphasis! They’re the head honchos, the winged warlords, the cock of the walk. Head held high, they’re gonna let you know that every time. 

For legal purposes, this is a joke. But if you see a big ole pyramid pop up about 400 miles West of the Mississippi, don’t come for us.